Is Blood Thicker Than Water?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, April 2021.
Nostalgia set aside, the adage “blood is thicker than water” has always troubled me. If memory serves, which at my age I believe it still does, the words were a typical justification for taking sides in an argument with a family member, regardless of merit, and in many cases, to cause guilt on the vulnerable. Some of us are taught that family is always more important than anyone else whether earned, deserved, or improperly and harmfully used.
It is not my intention to be overtly cynical toward family relationships, judge family motives or undermine the importance of strong family bonds. Quite frankly, it is the opposite. I have both experienced and witnessed the full spectrum, from exemplary to dysfunctional. I have admired the affection and kindness of some families and cringed with the truthfulness of a billboard on the Florida Turnpike which reads “We’ll treat you like family, probably better”. Oh yes, I have also chuckled with the anecdote that “you cannot choose your family”, relating and understanding.
I have heard BITTW used to console after mistreatment, and worse, to convince of the right to mistreat and an obligation to concede and overlook. So it didn’t surprise me when my research revealed that the modern interpretation of the adage is complete balderdash. You might have suspected that.
BITTW dates back to knights in mid-evil times, and it meant that bonds formed in the blood (battle) were stronger than any other. A similar, unrelated saying in Arab culture is that blood is thicker than milk; in a blood covenant, two that have tasted each other’s blood (again battle) are stronger than two that were nourished by milk from the same mother (siblings). In both cases, blood has nothing to do with the family.
It is without a doubt that marriage and union are a covenant; two become one and together face the world together. I prefer the positive approach of a journey, adventure, and quest, though reality reminds me that there will be trials and tribulations that all couples face. Sally forth and do battle together, and yes, BITTW (or M) with your wife or life partner, your covenant, not DNA or mother’s milk.
Business partnerships aren’t all that different. I’ve worked for family businesses that have had it all wrong, two classes of employees with family members placed in authoritative positions that they aren’t qualified for and family loyalty trumping sound business decisions. That could be an entry itself.
And while a covenant is not without fallacy, society depends upon a proper interpretation of BITTW; our military, police, fire, and emergency responders, to begin with.
In life, it is usually obvious who needs to come first, what is right and sensible, and when an adage is all that a person has to justify getting their way. Consider that before you utter BITTW.